Chasing Perfection

"We are going to relentlessly chase perfection, knowing full well we will not catch it because nothing is perfect. But we are going to relentlessly chase it because in the process we will catch excellence."   - Vince Lombardi

IF ONLY (tentative title) - DRAFT SIX

Joseph, a nervous and rigid-looking 21 year old college student, enters a small comic book store. He passes Kevin, the store owner, who is busy picking at his belly button. He peruses the isles of comic books, picking one up of interest to him. As he reads the comics, he looks up from the book, secretly observing the other people around him. Nearby, Ralph, tall awkward-looking policeman, stands, enthralled in a comic called “SUPERZOMBIES!”.

Joseph’s eyes snap to a Helen, a dorky-looking, sarcastic-seeming girl who is unpacking boxes while talking to Ray-ray, a rocker-looking guy. They make eye contact, which is quickly broken by Ray-ray who seems to be flirting with her. Helen is smirking at Ray-Ray while chewing gum, clearing entertained by Ray-ray’s ridiculous actions. Joseph turns the page of his comic book, pretending to read as he watches them.

All of a sudden, Ray-ray tries to kiss Helen. Helen, slightly taken aback (but more apathetic than anything else), spits her gum into Ray-ray’s hair. Ray-ray pauses for a moment, not quite sure what had just happened. He reaches up to touch the piece of gum on top of his head. He starts to scream is horror. Gradually, the scream turns into a hysterical laugh. Ray-ray is extremely loud but Joseph is the only one who seems to take notice. Ralph and Kevin seem completely oblivious.

Ray’s arm forms into a giant gun. He points it at Helen, who seems barely shocked. Joseph impulsively runs and grabs Ray, jerking him backwards. He punches him as hard as he can, causing Ray to merely stumble a bit. Joseph gets a little gum on his hands, which he tries to peel off, disgusted.

Ray turns his attention to Joseph. He smiles, wiping the blood off his mouth. Ray starts shooting like a madman as Joseph runs for cover, doing a little “dance” as he dodges the bullets. He runs for cover under one of the shelves near Ralph. Ray shoots relentlessly, accidentally killing Ralph in the crossfire. Helen watches the battle apathetically, popping another piece of gum into her mouth. She smiles, warmed by Joseph’s efforts.

Joseph grabs Ralph’s gun and starts shooting back at Ray. Ray dodges easily and gracefully, maneuvering through the book stacks as if he were a ballerina. Kevin, the storeowner, seems to be completely oblivious to the whole situation. Bullets fly, but he seems completely unhurt. Joseph runs out of bullets, throws the gun to the side and ducks for cover near dead Ralph. He looks over at Ralph, and notices a shine in his glasses…something is not right.

Bullets in his chest, Ralph arises from the dead as a zombie. He gets on all fours and starts crawling around trying to bite off Joseph’s legs. Joseph runs for his life. Ray starts to shoot, but when he sees the zombie, he stops shooting at Joseph and starts shooting at the zombie. Ray and Joseph join together and run from the zombie, climbing on top of a bookshelf. Helen, in the meantime, is having a smoke in the corner, enjoying the show.

Kevin is still watching his TV, ignoring the whole battle. As Zombie Ralph passes by Kevin, Ray shoots, accidentally shooting Kevin in the head. The bullet, however, merely bounces off his head. Kevin finally turns around, clearly irritated. He gets up and starts to bellow. A large monster begins to form out of his belly button….

Joseph snaps back to reality: Ray is still screaming his head off because of the gum in his hair. Helen tells him to quit being a baby. Helen walks over to the cupboard near Joseph. Joseph watches her, not realizing that he’s staring right at her. She looks at him and bluntly says, “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU LOOKING AT?” Completely embarrassed, Joseph tries to save face by hiding himself in the book and looking elsewhere. Helen stares at him for a bit. Joseph peaks over his book to see if she’s still looking. She smirks.


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notes: need to makes some edits on the character designs.
- perhaps rewrite the ending to make it not a dream

Last Week's Critique

Putting up all the storyboards I submitted for class is kind of a hassle, but in summary, these are things that were of mainly of concern, that I remember:

1. Too many close ups
2. need to figure out way to make the female character stronger
3. Some shots could be made stronger, such as a stronger reveal for the girl, etc

Some issues that people talked about during the critique raised some personal concerns about the story as well. They were not necessarily a problem, per se, but I felt uncomfortable with it. This includes:

1. The story is very cliche - just about a guy who dreams that he saves a girl, and then snaps out of the dream.
2. The female character is stereotypical
3. Kevin and Ralph do not have much of a role
4. People interpret Ray as a "jerk" - I didn't want him to come off that way, actually. I wanted people to like him.
5.  Looks like an "anime"

I think it is natural for my work to resemble anime because that's what I was influenced by. However, I want it to look like GOOD anime....not the crappy kind. I did feel uncomfortable with the fact that I had so many close ups, so I will try to be more aware of that.

As for the story, I've been working and reworking the story, and considering a completely NEW story all weekend. It was an extremely painful process!!!!!! The whole time I felt like I was getting nothing done, until it paid off in the end and all my ideas started coming together....

I think I've decided on something I like, but I am a bit apprehensive about the production of it. I wanted to finish my film completely and have time to refine it--which is why I chose to set my film in ONE interior setting.  I wanted to make the film around 3 minutes, the minimum, and focus on making it look good. However, there is so much going on it might stream to 5 or 6 minutes...or, I fear, even more. There is also a lot of difficult animation in it. In addition, I was thinking of adding some 3D elements to it, which brings up more complications. It's not just producing the animation, but also struggling with the programs that I am afraid will take up a lot of time.

I'm going to post my new treatment up (draft SIX.....=_=) in the following post. Sheila, is it doable?

Time to thumbnail like the WIND!

Ray Character Model Sheet and Height Comparison

Probably too detailed, but I'm just putting it all there for now.

Character Descriptions

Joseph

Joseph is a 21-year-old college student majoring in English. He is very introverted and shy, and doesn’t have many friends, aside from a few close, long-term friends. Although he is a nice guy on the inside, his shyness makes him have an aloof presence that many people sense as unfriendliness and cockiness. He can talk about work, but is horrible at making small talk. He is not the type to blab his mouth off. He has a weird habit of standing with one shoulder higher than the other, which is the only indication of his social anxiety upon his calm and aloof exterior. He tends to daydream a lot, causing people to think he is ignoring him. He also doesn’t have a girlfriend and has an easier time talking to boys than girls. He is very bored with life, aside from the occasional visit to the comic book store. He has a crush on Helen, but has never spoken to her in his life. His favorite things to do are reading both books and comics, and writing.


Ray, aka "Ray-Ray"

Ray-Ray is a 22-year-old wannabe rock star, though he does play a little guitar. He is very forward and outgoing, and not afraid to do anything, even if its stupid. He is a huge flirt and has many female friends he likes to call just to “hang out.” At the same time, he has a childish side to him: he is obsessed with cute animals, especially cats. He is really into manga and likes to base his style off of Japanese pop culture and fashion. He is a nonstop talker and has a tendency to think that everything is funny. It is very difficult to make him him angry, sad, or even scared. In fact, when he was younger, his parents would yell at him and he would just laugh. He doesn’t care what other people think of him, and lives life to the fullest without even trying.


Kevin

Kevin is the 31 year old comic book store owner. He is obsessed with all types of comics, from mainstream Superman comics, to Japanese manga, to independent comics. He is extremely knowledgeable—a real fanboy. He seems to always be very relaxed, calm, and friendly, which causes him to make a lot of friends with his customers. He is a little on the heavy side because he usually spends his time reading and watching cartoons at the shop, rather than caring about his weight. Although he is nice, his hygiene could use some working on. Customers sometimes spot him picking lint out of his bellybutton.


Helen

Helen is a 22-year-old architecture student. She is Kevin’s niece, which is why she got the job at the comic book store. She is very practical, straightforward and blunt. When she talks to people, she makes very solid eye contact, which some people find uncomfortable. She is relatively fashionable and keeps up with the trends, but likes to keep things as simple and practical as possible. She is a bit of a workaholic and hates just sitting around doing nothing—she always needs to be doing something, anything. She has a thing for quirky, indie things, independent bands, and B-rated horror movies.


Ralph

Ralph is a 34-year old Software Engineer at JPL. He is extremely smart, yet very, very quiet. He always seems oblivious to the world around him because he is so tall and has a tendency to tilt his head slightly upward, as if he were ignoring everything. Actually, Ralph is extremely attentive and never truly oblivious to anything. Since he was a kid, Jeff enjoyed reading action hero comics, such as Superman and Dragonball Z. He’s currently unmarried, so he spends most of his free time on weekends to visit the comic book store near his house

JOSEPH model sheets (formerly Tim)

first draft

second draft

third draft

I started working on this character labeled as the “normal, boring guy” that the audience could easily relate to. I wanted someone that did not look dorky, but had a dorky and shy side too him. The first draft was just that: the normal, boring guy who looked a little dorky. That was all. But it didn’t feel right. He was supposed to be the normal guy, but it seemed like he had no character at all. There was absolutely nothing interesting about him.

I started working on the second draft, trying to make him more distinguished by giving him stronger cheekbones and a huge hunch back. While this wasn’t bad, I didn’t like how he looked blatantly awkward, and almost slightly creepy.

I studied some faces of actual people, and then started to do the third draft. My studies didn’t come out as much as I’d hoped (his face shape is still very similar, but I think I wanted it like that so it wouldn’t be too difficult to animate), but I played with the eyes, making him look very bored with life. By accident, I made one shoulder higher than the other so he looked awkwardly unbalanced. At the same time, his standing pose had a sort of “cool” air to it, as if it was intentional. I liked that asymmetry because it created layers within his personality. This is what I have so far.

Therefore, through drawing, I sort of felt out my character’s personality of what exactly I was going for.

IF ONLY - Treatment

Thought of a new idea! What do you think of this, in comparison to the other idea?

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Tim, an average 21 year old college student, enters a small comic book store. He passes the store owner, a friendly, chubby looking Asian guy with plugs in his ears, who greets him. Vincent acknowledges the store owner, and looks around. He peruses the isles of comic books, picking one up of interest to him. As he reads the comics, he looks up from the book, secretly observing the other people around him. Nearby, a tall nerdy looking guy with pens in his pocket holder stands, enthralled in a Superman comic.

Tim’s eyes snap to a pretty girl standing at a counter at the back of the store talking to a rocker-looking guy. They make eye contact, which is quickly broken by the rocker guy who seems to be flirting with her. Tim turns the page of his comic book, pretending to read as he watches them.

All of a sudden, the rocker guy tries to kiss the girl. The girl, disgusted, pushes the rocker guy away from her. He falls to the ground, but instead of looking defeated, a large, evil smile curls around his face. He starts to laugh hysterically, as everyone in the store looks up to see what is wrong, except for the tall nerdy guy, who seems to be completely oblivious to the whole situation.

In the eyes of the rocker guy, a strange glint appears. He suddenly grabs the girl hostage. His arm forms into a giant gun and he starts shooting like a madman. Everyone in the comic book store ducks. The nerdy guy is shot. Seemingly unconscious, he falls onto the stack of comic books right in front of Tim.

As the rocker guy is shooting, Tim quickly maneuvers between the stacks, careful to not be seen. The store owner tries to reason with the rocker dude with cash, but the rocker dude doesn’t want cash. He’s just crazy. He starts shooting again, destroying the entire interior of the store. The store owner’s arm is shot, leaving him wounded. He ducks as the ceiling starts to crumble.

With a sudden streak of courage, Tim grabs a broken shelf piece hurls it at the rocker dude, slamming the gun-arm into the wall and destroying it. Tim runs to the girl, and asks if she is okay. She seems helpless. The rocker guy menacingly gets up, and grabs Tim by the shirt. Before Tim can react, the rocker guy laughs hysterically, and throws Tim across the store, breaking the shelves and framed posters on the wall. Tim grimaces. The store owner shouts to him, throwing a hang gun his way. The rocker guy approaches Tim and tries to kick/punch him, but Tim ducks and rolls, barely missing the blow. He starts shooting at the rocker guy, who quickly dodges. The rocker guy pounces on Tim and knocks his head. As Tim is down, he picks him up by the shirt and hurls him out of the store, breaking the pane glass windows.

The rocker guy struts over to Tim, getting ready to make his final move. All of a sudden, the nerdy guy appears with a Dragonball Z outfit, hair and everything. The rocker guy turns instantly amused. He hysterically runs toward the nerdy guy. The nerdy guy blasts a Kamehameha…

"HELLO?". Tim snaps out of his daydream to see the girl staring right at him, carrying a box of comics. He blushes, awkwardly looking around. Her personality seems a lot less girly than he thought, more confrontational and strong. She tells him that he was zoned out for a while, and which freaked her out for a second. She asks if he needs any help finding anything. He shakes his head. She smiles matter-of-factly at him, and walks by. The rocker guy seems to be amusing himself with some vinyl toys, waiting for the girl. The store owner is watching anime on the tiny TV next to him. The nerdy guy is still reading DBZ comics. Everything is as usual.

Treatment, Second Draft

Took Sheila's advice and tried to add some conflict. I'm not sure if I did, but here's a shot at it.
This idea is getting very explosive....

LELAND AND HOGARTH (formerly “Wallflower”)

It’s a Saturday night and a purple house shaped like a cat’s face bobs up and down to techno music playing within. Through its orifice-shaped windows, lights flash and monsters dance, chat, drink, and play games.

Inside, weird monsters jive to the music as they stand around a “beer pong” table, except instead of ping-pong balls, the balls are drunken frogs. Demonstrating the game, one player pokes the frog’s butt, jolting the frog awake and sending him careening off into a giant bucket. SCORE! The crowd cheers. Monsters dance and do the wave.

Leland sits in the corner with a goopy drink that seems to be alive. Leland’s eyes are wide and somewhat shaky. His body is completely still, as a group of monster pass him doing a hip-thrust conga line. He doesn’t notice that his drink is crawling out of his cup in attempt to escape. The drink plops on the floor, but its moment of success ends when another partier steps on it and it fizzles into the carpet.

The monsters bounce the drunk frogs on their heads to impress the female monsters. Meanwhile, Hogarth, a tall, lanky creature, plops next to Leland on the couch. Hogarth is very drunk. He unabashedly breathes down Leland’s neck and stares at him. Leland scooches away from Hogarth, until he notices a guy hip-thrusting in his direction.

The monsters continue to play frog pong. Hogarth continues to breath in Leland’s face. At the game table, the next player, an overly excited little twit thing, hyperventilates and pokes the frog a little too hard. The frog flies over in Leland’s direction and into the wall, nearly splatting on Leland’s face. Fearing for his life, Leland looks over to see the front door exit glimmering in the distance. Hogarth burps in Leland’s face, breaking Leland’s moment of happiness. Hogarth then passes out on Leland’s lap.

Leland tries to push Hogarth off his lap, but Hogarth is very heavy and doesn’t budge. In fact, Hogarth seems to have a firm grip around Leland’s waist. Leland tries to slap him awake, but it is no use. Leland gets up, dragging Hogarth with him.

OJ, a big fluffy teddy-bear looking monster, bursts through the doors with a large smile on his face. His cronies follow behind him, including his girlfriend, Bonita. Hogarth wakes up to the sound of OJ’s entrance. The music is turned up. OJ smooches Bonita, heads to the center of the dance floor, and begins to do a dance.

 Hogarth, pumped up by the music, starts to dance too, pushing his way into the center near OJ. Leland attempts to head for the front door. Bonita, a female monster with a long tongue, gets so excited by OJ that she throws herself at him as he is dancing. Hogarth, however, gets in the way and whacks Bonita, sending her flying into Leland. As Leland and Bonita collect themselves, they make eye contact. Bonita, very drunk, licks his face. OJ sees Bonita and Leland, fuming. Leland, startled, jumps up and tries to run away. He passes Hogarth, who loses his balance and falls over onto Leland, grabbing onto his legs.

Because of Hogarth, Leland falls into a large, fluffy wall. He looks up to see OJ smiling down at him. All of a sudden, OJ’s expression changes into a death glare. OJ picks up Leland, and throws him into the roof.

Leland breaks through the roof, flying out of the house and onto the sidewalk. As he gets up, another monster is thrown out through the roof: Hogarth. Leland timidly looks at Hogarth, who seems to be dead. All of a sudden, Hogarth gets up. He stands awkwardly next to Leland for a minute and then impulsively gives Leland a hug. Hogarth then barfs on Leland.

Treatment, First Draft

LELAND AND HOGARTH (formerly “Wallflower”)

It’s a Saturday night and a purple house shaped like a cat’s face bobs up and down to techno music playing within. Through its orifice-shaped windows, lights flash and monsters dance, chat, drink, and play games.

Inside, weird monsters jive to the music as they stand around a “beer pong” table, except instead of ping-pong balls, the balls are drunken frogs. Demonstrating the game, one player pokes the frog’s butt, jolting the frog awake and sending him careening off into a giant bucket. SCORE! The crowd cheers. Monsters dance and do the wave.

Leland sits in the corner with a goopy drink that seems to be alive. Leland’s eyes are wide and somewhat shaky. His body is completely still, as a group of monster pass him doing a hip-thrust conga line. He doesn’t notice that his drink is crawling out of his cup in attempt to escape. The drink plops on the floor, but its moment of success ends when another partier steps on it and it fizzles into the carpet.

The monsters bounce the drunk frogs on their heads to impress the female monsters. Hogarth, a tall, lanky creature, is sitting next to Leland. Hogarth is very drunk. He unabashedly breathes down Leland’s neck and stares at him. Leland scooches away from Hogarth, until he notices a guy hip-thrusting in his direction. Hogarth passes out on Leland’s lap.

The monsters continue to play frog pong. The newest player, an overly excited little twit thing, hyperventilates and pokes the frog a little too hard. The frog flies over in Leland’s direction and into the wall, nearly splatting on Leland’s face. Fearing for his life, Leland looks over to see the front door exit glimmering in the distance. He pushes Hogarth off his lap and proceeds to the door, until…

OJ, a big fluffy teddy-bear looking monster, bursts through the doors with a large smile on his face. His cronies follow behind him, including his girlfriend, Bonita. The music is turned up. OJ smooches Bonita and begins to do a dance. Bonita, a female monster with a long tongue, gets so excited that she throws herself at OJ as he is dancing. OJ, however, doesn’t notice her. As he is doing a weird spin move he whacks Bonita, sending her flying into Leland. As Leland and Bonita collect themselves, they make eye contact. Bonita licks his face. Leland, startled, jumps up and makes a run for it.

Just as he is about to reach the front door, Leland bumps into a large, fluffy wall. He looks up to see OJ smiling down at him. All of a sudden, OJ’s expression changes into a death glare. OJ picks up Leland, and throws him into the roof.

Leland breaks through the roof, flying out of the house and onto the sidewalk. As he gets up, another monster is thrown out through the roof: Hogarth. Leland timidly looks at Hogarth, who seems to be dead. All of a sudden, Hogarth gets up. He stands awkwardly next to Leland for a minute and then impulsively gives Leland a hug. Leland and Hogarth become friends.