Thesis Treatment Draft 10

Untitled

Joseph, an awkward, reserved-looking 21 year old college student, enters a small comic book store. He passes Kevin, the store owner, who is too engrossed in a television news show to notice that Joseph has entered. The news reports of traces of a strange creature, thought to be lurking about the city. Joseph peruses the isles of comic/art books in the new releases section, picking up one of interest to him. As he reads the back cover, he secretly observes the other people around him.

In the back corner of the store, Ray, a wannabe rocker dude, obnoxiously plays his guitar, in attempt to serenade Helen, a tomboyish girl who works at the store. Helen looks unconvinced, but amused. She unpacks books as she watches Ray, loudly chewing gum.

Joseph watches Helen, until all of a sudden, Helen turns to Joseph and they make eye contact. Joseph is taken aback, and tries to cover for himself by pretending to be reading. Joseph scratches the back of his neck, and we notice an odd design on the hood of his sweatshirt.

All of a sudden, Ray tries to kiss Helen. Helen, slightly taken aback, spits her gum into Ray’s hair. Ray pauses for a moment, not quite sure what had just happened. He reaches up to touch the piece of gum on top of his head, and starts to scream in horror. Gradually, the scream turns into a hysterical laugh. Ray is extremely loud, but Joseph is the only one who seems to notice. He protectively puts his hood over his head. Kevin seems completely unfazed.

Ray’s guitar transforms into a gun. He points it at Helen, who seems barely shocked. Joseph seems to be oddly concerned with zipping up his jacket, but gives up. He impulsively runs and grabs Ray, jerking him backwards. He punches him as hard as he can, causing Ray to merely stumble a bit. Joseph gets a little gum on his hands, which he tries to peel off. He makes eye contact with Helen again, but it is quickly broken.

Ray turns his attention to Joseph. He smiles, wiping the blood off his mouth. Ray starts shooting like a madman as Joseph runs for cover, doing a little “dance” as he dodges the bullets. He darts behind some shelves in attempt to take cover, and starts to zip up his jacket. His jacket zips up all the way, revealing the face of a creature. Joseph reappears on the other side of the shelf as his transformed self, a monster.

Ray is initially taken aback by Joseph’s transformation, but then gets excited. Joseph snarls at Ray and attacks. Ray dodges and shoots, jumping on book shelves. They begin to fight.

Helen watches the battle apathetically. Finally she reaches under the cabinet and pulls out a ridiculously large bazooka-type gun. On TV, the news station reports on an explosion at a comic book store. The bazooka lights up…

Cut back to reality. Ray finishes off his bad love song. Joseph places a book and his credit card on the counter in front of Kevin. Kevin smiles, and proceeds to run the cashier. On TV, the news interviews an intellectual who describes a theory on multiple realities. Joseph looks over at Helen, and again, they make eye contact. Joseph freezes. Helen smiles. Joseph, relieved, smiles back.  Kevin reaches for the remote control, and turns off the TV.

IF ONLY (tentative title) - DRAFT SIX

Joseph, a nervous and rigid-looking 21 year old college student, enters a small comic book store. He passes Kevin, the store owner, who is busy picking at his belly button. He peruses the isles of comic books, picking one up of interest to him. As he reads the comics, he looks up from the book, secretly observing the other people around him. Nearby, Ralph, tall awkward-looking policeman, stands, enthralled in a comic called “SUPERZOMBIES!”.

Joseph’s eyes snap to a Helen, a dorky-looking, sarcastic-seeming girl who is unpacking boxes while talking to Ray-ray, a rocker-looking guy. They make eye contact, which is quickly broken by Ray-ray who seems to be flirting with her. Helen is smirking at Ray-Ray while chewing gum, clearing entertained by Ray-ray’s ridiculous actions. Joseph turns the page of his comic book, pretending to read as he watches them.

All of a sudden, Ray-ray tries to kiss Helen. Helen, slightly taken aback (but more apathetic than anything else), spits her gum into Ray-ray’s hair. Ray-ray pauses for a moment, not quite sure what had just happened. He reaches up to touch the piece of gum on top of his head. He starts to scream is horror. Gradually, the scream turns into a hysterical laugh. Ray-ray is extremely loud but Joseph is the only one who seems to take notice. Ralph and Kevin seem completely oblivious.

Ray’s arm forms into a giant gun. He points it at Helen, who seems barely shocked. Joseph impulsively runs and grabs Ray, jerking him backwards. He punches him as hard as he can, causing Ray to merely stumble a bit. Joseph gets a little gum on his hands, which he tries to peel off, disgusted.

Ray turns his attention to Joseph. He smiles, wiping the blood off his mouth. Ray starts shooting like a madman as Joseph runs for cover, doing a little “dance” as he dodges the bullets. He runs for cover under one of the shelves near Ralph. Ray shoots relentlessly, accidentally killing Ralph in the crossfire. Helen watches the battle apathetically, popping another piece of gum into her mouth. She smiles, warmed by Joseph’s efforts.

Joseph grabs Ralph’s gun and starts shooting back at Ray. Ray dodges easily and gracefully, maneuvering through the book stacks as if he were a ballerina. Kevin, the storeowner, seems to be completely oblivious to the whole situation. Bullets fly, but he seems completely unhurt. Joseph runs out of bullets, throws the gun to the side and ducks for cover near dead Ralph. He looks over at Ralph, and notices a shine in his glasses…something is not right.

Bullets in his chest, Ralph arises from the dead as a zombie. He gets on all fours and starts crawling around trying to bite off Joseph’s legs. Joseph runs for his life. Ray starts to shoot, but when he sees the zombie, he stops shooting at Joseph and starts shooting at the zombie. Ray and Joseph join together and run from the zombie, climbing on top of a bookshelf. Helen, in the meantime, is having a smoke in the corner, enjoying the show.

Kevin is still watching his TV, ignoring the whole battle. As Zombie Ralph passes by Kevin, Ray shoots, accidentally shooting Kevin in the head. The bullet, however, merely bounces off his head. Kevin finally turns around, clearly irritated. He gets up and starts to bellow. A large monster begins to form out of his belly button….

Joseph snaps back to reality: Ray is still screaming his head off because of the gum in his hair. Helen tells him to quit being a baby. Helen walks over to the cupboard near Joseph. Joseph watches her, not realizing that he’s staring right at her. She looks at him and bluntly says, “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU LOOKING AT?” Completely embarrassed, Joseph tries to save face by hiding himself in the book and looking elsewhere. Helen stares at him for a bit. Joseph peaks over his book to see if she’s still looking. She smirks.


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notes: need to makes some edits on the character designs.
- perhaps rewrite the ending to make it not a dream

IF ONLY - Treatment

Thought of a new idea! What do you think of this, in comparison to the other idea?

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Tim, an average 21 year old college student, enters a small comic book store. He passes the store owner, a friendly, chubby looking Asian guy with plugs in his ears, who greets him. Vincent acknowledges the store owner, and looks around. He peruses the isles of comic books, picking one up of interest to him. As he reads the comics, he looks up from the book, secretly observing the other people around him. Nearby, a tall nerdy looking guy with pens in his pocket holder stands, enthralled in a Superman comic.

Tim’s eyes snap to a pretty girl standing at a counter at the back of the store talking to a rocker-looking guy. They make eye contact, which is quickly broken by the rocker guy who seems to be flirting with her. Tim turns the page of his comic book, pretending to read as he watches them.

All of a sudden, the rocker guy tries to kiss the girl. The girl, disgusted, pushes the rocker guy away from her. He falls to the ground, but instead of looking defeated, a large, evil smile curls around his face. He starts to laugh hysterically, as everyone in the store looks up to see what is wrong, except for the tall nerdy guy, who seems to be completely oblivious to the whole situation.

In the eyes of the rocker guy, a strange glint appears. He suddenly grabs the girl hostage. His arm forms into a giant gun and he starts shooting like a madman. Everyone in the comic book store ducks. The nerdy guy is shot. Seemingly unconscious, he falls onto the stack of comic books right in front of Tim.

As the rocker guy is shooting, Tim quickly maneuvers between the stacks, careful to not be seen. The store owner tries to reason with the rocker dude with cash, but the rocker dude doesn’t want cash. He’s just crazy. He starts shooting again, destroying the entire interior of the store. The store owner’s arm is shot, leaving him wounded. He ducks as the ceiling starts to crumble.

With a sudden streak of courage, Tim grabs a broken shelf piece hurls it at the rocker dude, slamming the gun-arm into the wall and destroying it. Tim runs to the girl, and asks if she is okay. She seems helpless. The rocker guy menacingly gets up, and grabs Tim by the shirt. Before Tim can react, the rocker guy laughs hysterically, and throws Tim across the store, breaking the shelves and framed posters on the wall. Tim grimaces. The store owner shouts to him, throwing a hang gun his way. The rocker guy approaches Tim and tries to kick/punch him, but Tim ducks and rolls, barely missing the blow. He starts shooting at the rocker guy, who quickly dodges. The rocker guy pounces on Tim and knocks his head. As Tim is down, he picks him up by the shirt and hurls him out of the store, breaking the pane glass windows.

The rocker guy struts over to Tim, getting ready to make his final move. All of a sudden, the nerdy guy appears with a Dragonball Z outfit, hair and everything. The rocker guy turns instantly amused. He hysterically runs toward the nerdy guy. The nerdy guy blasts a Kamehameha…

"HELLO?". Tim snaps out of his daydream to see the girl staring right at him, carrying a box of comics. He blushes, awkwardly looking around. Her personality seems a lot less girly than he thought, more confrontational and strong. She tells him that he was zoned out for a while, and which freaked her out for a second. She asks if he needs any help finding anything. He shakes his head. She smiles matter-of-factly at him, and walks by. The rocker guy seems to be amusing himself with some vinyl toys, waiting for the girl. The store owner is watching anime on the tiny TV next to him. The nerdy guy is still reading DBZ comics. Everything is as usual.

Treatment, Second Draft

Took Sheila's advice and tried to add some conflict. I'm not sure if I did, but here's a shot at it.
This idea is getting very explosive....

LELAND AND HOGARTH (formerly “Wallflower”)

It’s a Saturday night and a purple house shaped like a cat’s face bobs up and down to techno music playing within. Through its orifice-shaped windows, lights flash and monsters dance, chat, drink, and play games.

Inside, weird monsters jive to the music as they stand around a “beer pong” table, except instead of ping-pong balls, the balls are drunken frogs. Demonstrating the game, one player pokes the frog’s butt, jolting the frog awake and sending him careening off into a giant bucket. SCORE! The crowd cheers. Monsters dance and do the wave.

Leland sits in the corner with a goopy drink that seems to be alive. Leland’s eyes are wide and somewhat shaky. His body is completely still, as a group of monster pass him doing a hip-thrust conga line. He doesn’t notice that his drink is crawling out of his cup in attempt to escape. The drink plops on the floor, but its moment of success ends when another partier steps on it and it fizzles into the carpet.

The monsters bounce the drunk frogs on their heads to impress the female monsters. Meanwhile, Hogarth, a tall, lanky creature, plops next to Leland on the couch. Hogarth is very drunk. He unabashedly breathes down Leland’s neck and stares at him. Leland scooches away from Hogarth, until he notices a guy hip-thrusting in his direction.

The monsters continue to play frog pong. Hogarth continues to breath in Leland’s face. At the game table, the next player, an overly excited little twit thing, hyperventilates and pokes the frog a little too hard. The frog flies over in Leland’s direction and into the wall, nearly splatting on Leland’s face. Fearing for his life, Leland looks over to see the front door exit glimmering in the distance. Hogarth burps in Leland’s face, breaking Leland’s moment of happiness. Hogarth then passes out on Leland’s lap.

Leland tries to push Hogarth off his lap, but Hogarth is very heavy and doesn’t budge. In fact, Hogarth seems to have a firm grip around Leland’s waist. Leland tries to slap him awake, but it is no use. Leland gets up, dragging Hogarth with him.

OJ, a big fluffy teddy-bear looking monster, bursts through the doors with a large smile on his face. His cronies follow behind him, including his girlfriend, Bonita. Hogarth wakes up to the sound of OJ’s entrance. The music is turned up. OJ smooches Bonita, heads to the center of the dance floor, and begins to do a dance.

 Hogarth, pumped up by the music, starts to dance too, pushing his way into the center near OJ. Leland attempts to head for the front door. Bonita, a female monster with a long tongue, gets so excited by OJ that she throws herself at him as he is dancing. Hogarth, however, gets in the way and whacks Bonita, sending her flying into Leland. As Leland and Bonita collect themselves, they make eye contact. Bonita, very drunk, licks his face. OJ sees Bonita and Leland, fuming. Leland, startled, jumps up and tries to run away. He passes Hogarth, who loses his balance and falls over onto Leland, grabbing onto his legs.

Because of Hogarth, Leland falls into a large, fluffy wall. He looks up to see OJ smiling down at him. All of a sudden, OJ’s expression changes into a death glare. OJ picks up Leland, and throws him into the roof.

Leland breaks through the roof, flying out of the house and onto the sidewalk. As he gets up, another monster is thrown out through the roof: Hogarth. Leland timidly looks at Hogarth, who seems to be dead. All of a sudden, Hogarth gets up. He stands awkwardly next to Leland for a minute and then impulsively gives Leland a hug. Hogarth then barfs on Leland.

Treatment, First Draft

LELAND AND HOGARTH (formerly “Wallflower”)

It’s a Saturday night and a purple house shaped like a cat’s face bobs up and down to techno music playing within. Through its orifice-shaped windows, lights flash and monsters dance, chat, drink, and play games.

Inside, weird monsters jive to the music as they stand around a “beer pong” table, except instead of ping-pong balls, the balls are drunken frogs. Demonstrating the game, one player pokes the frog’s butt, jolting the frog awake and sending him careening off into a giant bucket. SCORE! The crowd cheers. Monsters dance and do the wave.

Leland sits in the corner with a goopy drink that seems to be alive. Leland’s eyes are wide and somewhat shaky. His body is completely still, as a group of monster pass him doing a hip-thrust conga line. He doesn’t notice that his drink is crawling out of his cup in attempt to escape. The drink plops on the floor, but its moment of success ends when another partier steps on it and it fizzles into the carpet.

The monsters bounce the drunk frogs on their heads to impress the female monsters. Hogarth, a tall, lanky creature, is sitting next to Leland. Hogarth is very drunk. He unabashedly breathes down Leland’s neck and stares at him. Leland scooches away from Hogarth, until he notices a guy hip-thrusting in his direction. Hogarth passes out on Leland’s lap.

The monsters continue to play frog pong. The newest player, an overly excited little twit thing, hyperventilates and pokes the frog a little too hard. The frog flies over in Leland’s direction and into the wall, nearly splatting on Leland’s face. Fearing for his life, Leland looks over to see the front door exit glimmering in the distance. He pushes Hogarth off his lap and proceeds to the door, until…

OJ, a big fluffy teddy-bear looking monster, bursts through the doors with a large smile on his face. His cronies follow behind him, including his girlfriend, Bonita. The music is turned up. OJ smooches Bonita and begins to do a dance. Bonita, a female monster with a long tongue, gets so excited that she throws herself at OJ as he is dancing. OJ, however, doesn’t notice her. As he is doing a weird spin move he whacks Bonita, sending her flying into Leland. As Leland and Bonita collect themselves, they make eye contact. Bonita licks his face. Leland, startled, jumps up and makes a run for it.

Just as he is about to reach the front door, Leland bumps into a large, fluffy wall. He looks up to see OJ smiling down at him. All of a sudden, OJ’s expression changes into a death glare. OJ picks up Leland, and throws him into the roof.

Leland breaks through the roof, flying out of the house and onto the sidewalk. As he gets up, another monster is thrown out through the roof: Hogarth. Leland timidly looks at Hogarth, who seems to be dead. All of a sudden, Hogarth gets up. He stands awkwardly next to Leland for a minute and then impulsively gives Leland a hug. Leland and Hogarth become friends.